


what does one go through, when you realize no one looks at you back

by readytobeused



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: After the livestream of that ep was when cad feelings were at a 100, Angst, Gen, Introspection, I’m coming back to say the best time to read this is after ep 106, Loneliness, listen i have feelings right now, talk to the boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25893766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytobeused/pseuds/readytobeused
Summary: A crack to composure.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	what does one go through, when you realize no one looks at you back

_Oh_

Caduceus thought he knew, thought he understood true loneliness after a decade being left behind from a family he cherishes. A family that he found locked into stone with this new group of friends, who he viewed as a new family, who he thought he could guide the way for. Afterall he guided a new path for one, a paladin for his goddess, cherishing a growing relationship he thought. As someone who prides himself on noticing what others can’t.

_How could he have been so blind_

The thing about noticing what true loneliness is, is that it happens as a gradual sense. It’s easy to brush off. Oh Beau had an off day he’ll make her some tea and offer advice. A good morning Caleb here and there, continuously watching to make sure he doesn’t overbalance. A comforting hand placed upon Yasha’s shoulder to convey that someone is here. Wary of Veth and her arrows but seeing the love of her own family when visiting by between missions. Seeing behind the false sense of faith Jester carries and not getting to truly comfort in the best way he knows how. And Fjord. Fjord who the first in a long time made his composure snap. The fight, the death, the resurrection.

_Gifts_

Caduceus only knows how to give, how else can he convey he cares for this found family that he wants to call his own. So much giving with a group that he now sees as one that takes and takes. He’s become the advice tea-loving gentle giant he portrays. But that’s not who Caduceus is. _Right?_ He knows there’s so much more to him, his own family, his faith, the wonderment of a new world he awakens to every day. Does this family even know his siblings names? His parents? At least within the grove people talked to him. Even conversations centering around the grief of a loved one passing, at least those people asked about his life and how he was doing.

_True loneliness Caduceus has found is not being alone, no it’s being surrounded by a room of people whose eyes pass him by, and never see the slight crack of watering eyes._

**Author's Note:**

> I've only written college papers, but wanted to spit this out. Fic all my writing practice was thrown out the window, just let me wallow in the love i have for the cow man.


End file.
